Spinnaker [Distributed: Wednesday, September 27, 2006]

College is a time of sexual freedom for many students. Certainly, many people come to college with prior sexual experience. However, many freshmen have always lived with their parents, making sex something that happened when parents were away, in the car or in other strange places. New found autonomy and the freedom of having your own domain gives many students the ability to have people sleep over and come and go as they please. This new freedom coupled with other factors is what provides the key to increased sexual activity.

Of course, with all things, sex requires responsibility both in having sex and avoiding it when one is not ready. As college is a place where students have newfound freedom, this may lead to actions that one may regret in hindsight. Students must realize that having fun is what everyone wants to do, and the best way to do this is to be careful.

Partying and Bars
One thing that is stressed, especially to girls, is to be extremely careful when going out. Most girls follow this advice by going out in groups. It is very important when out to always mind one's drinks and sometimes friends' drinks. All too often, and quite easily, prowling guys can easily do the proverbial "slip" or "spike" that can lead to a nightmare, but a careful, watchful eye can prevent this from happening. If, during your night out, you find someone that you would like to engage in conversation with the thought that something more could happen, then go for it and perhaps it will lead to what you are looking for.

Safe Sex
Going home with random people that you have just met is not exactly the safest thing in the world, but many people, both guys and girls, continue to do it. If random hook-ups occur and you expect to be going out and possibly going home with someone, you should be prepared. Safe sex is something that cannot be stressed enough, but people still do not always heed the warnings. With infectious diseases, some incurable and life threatening, floating around in the marketplace, the least you can do is have enough respect for yourself and for your partner to use a condom. These things are free, just go to student health and grab as many as you want or hit up the local pharmacy and spend $10. It's cheaper than the healthcare if you do become infected, and why even take that chance?

Many people in college also enter into long-term monogamous relationships, a safer type of sexual relationships. These types of relationships can be rewarding, but again, most people do not know the sexual history of their partners and a test for sexually transmitted infections (no more diseases) should be done, especially if you decide not to use condoms. If condoms are not the desired form of birth control for a monogamous relationship, don't wing it. The best and safest method of not becoming a parent is for the woman to take or use some form of female birth control, and no, your parents do not have to be informed of your intent to go on birth control.

Many forms of birth control exist now and most can be received by going to student health. Traditionally birth control was administered in the form of daily pills; however, drug companies realized that remembering to take a pill everyday could be difficult or cumbersome for some females. Because of this realization, birth control now comes in various forms. One such form is the Nuvaring, a small ring that is placed in the vagina. Another form is the patch that is placed on the skin a week at a time, and yet another is a shot that stops the period altogether for three months. Each of these is equally as successful in guarding from pregnancy if used correctly. Women should talk to their doctors to see what is best for them.

Getting Tested
Most students are scared to get tested, or do not want to go through the hassle of the procedure, but this is something, especially for people that have had random encounters or a lapse of judgment in the past, that should be done. Testing is not a big deal and can certainly provide a sigh of relief or a course of action depending on the results. Just because you do not show signs or symptoms, this does not mean that you are not infected by something. Many times, the infection may lie dormant for a period of time before showing itself. Tests can be done at any Planned Parenthood in Jacksonville. Appointments can be made at www.plannedparenthood.com. The cost for a standard test is $50, and results generally take a week or so.

Enjoying Sex
Once you make sure that the sex you take part in is going to be the safest it can be, sex must be enjoyable for both parties. The best way to do this is to get a feel for what you like personally, which may take some self-exploration. No one should be ashamed of self-exploration and often there is no better way to understand your body and how it works. Because sex involves two people and no one can read minds, conversation when getting intimate is something that can drastically improve sex. Conversation and explanation with the other person in the bedroom are the best ways to accomplish this, and communicating with your partner usually ends up in better sex for the night or every time you do it in the future. Telling someone to do something differently or to try something is not disrespectful or weird, and you should not feel bad to say what you want. If you are going to have sex, it should be enjoyable and the only way to accomplish this is to let someone know if he or she is doing something that does not work for you.

Physical relationships are something that almost everyone will engage in at one point or another. Some people may choose not to have sex until marriage for religious or personal convictions, and that is fine. With sex comes responsibility, a responsibility to yourself and your partner. Sex is something that should be enjoyable for men and women, and being careful is the best way to enjoy the act.

Not everyone goes home alone

Let's face it: we're in college. This is the only time we'll get to openly write about sex and voice our opinions - no matter how unusual they may seem. But one thing's for sure: sex is not unusual. Many have had it at some point in their lives. It's a natural thing, a good thing. It's good for making babies, too.

But some people don't want babies just yet. Not everyone is looking for meaningful monogamous relationships. You know, the kind where you find yourself feeling married, middle-aged and wondering where your youth went. Pretty soon you wake up at 22 and realize you've forgotten what a bar smells like or the thrill of flirting with a mysterious stranger.

Others would rather fall asleep to the smell of freedom, or to the smell of a smoky bar in their partner's hair. It may not sound pretty, but with beer goggles at 2 a.m., it sure does look it. It's the epitome of convenience, most commonly referred to as the "no strings attached," one-night stand.

They can be good. Like sex is for making babies. But that's one thing that can turn a one-nighter into 18 years of diaper changing and college loans. Be sure to use protection. Birth control works and Plan B will soon be available in stores to those over 18, but the easiest thing to do is to stop by Food Lion and pick up some condoms.

Some complain about using condoms. But with HPV, HIV and gonorrhea going around like the flu, those shared-pleasure-with-warm-sensations Trojans are probably more appealing than permanent bumps and sores.

If you choose to engage in a one-night stand, choose wisely. The more alcohol you consume, the more likely you are to go home with your brother's teacher's 65-year-old dad. They may look good at the time, but once those goggles wear off in the morning and the smoky-gray hair is lying beside you, you might want to rethink your decisions.

Sure you won't ever be waiting by the phone for them to call, or find yourself feeling obligated to make your own phone call, but it's smart to at least get their last name or add them to your Facebook in case any "surprises" come up in the days to follow.

One-night stands might feel fun and vivacious, but there's always the worry of the ones who have come before you. What if it was your best friend, your roommate, or your ex-boyfriend gone the other way? What if they compare notes with their friends, comparing you with your friends?

If this is something that might bother you, it could be better left undone.

And are one-nighters really that good? Chances are, you might not even remember the actual act in the morning. Risky sexual behaviors usually happen when alcohol is present, and usually feel too awkward to be done without the presence of alcohol. If these behaviors done while drunk are forgotten in the morning, and they're not worth doing while sober, does it really make much sense to do them at all?

Here's a solution: find someone you really like, maybe even love. It could be a best friend, or just a friend that you trust. Just make sure you use protection and that you both know what to expect. Higher expectations in these situations may lead to broken hearts. Or better yet-you may find true love.

Kama Sutra: sex encyclopedia

Everyone has heard the words Kama Sutra and has a general idea of what it is, but the ancient artform is a truly enlightened approach to sex.

Even in today's era of sex experts, psychologists and psychiatrists who try to fix broken couples' sex lives through therapy or some other means, the ancient people from India have already crafted a text to keep couples happy and interested in each other and provide insight into how couples should conduct themselves during physical and emotional interaction.

The book hails from ancient India. Strangely enough, historians believe the organizer and main author of the book, Vatsyayana, was celibate. The book actually features information from many people and may have had multiple authors, but he is given the credit for its creation. Vatsyayana lived around the 4th century A.D., and the text, which is not solely about sex, is broken into seven sections.

The first section is five chapters and gives a general overview of the text, some insight into love and how couples should act toward each other.

The second section is the one that gained the book international interest and includes sexual positions and techniques across all spectrums of the physical act.

In the second section, chapters range from kissing techniques to oral sex, anal sex, foreplay techniques and everything in between including commentary on biting, scratching and how to become involved with girls from other countries. The explanations are just that, but also feature information on grooming and definitions of certain acts and positions.

The most widely viewed part of Kama Sutra is the commentary and depiction of various sexual positions in this section which many people have seen in ancient art. The positions include some that lead to the intertwining of man and woman, or in some cases people of the same sex, in various peculiar sex positions that in many cases look almost impossible to achieve.

The authors show that though the text was written thousands of years ago, very little has changed in the way of sex other than the words used to describe the acts. Though some might find offense in the information of the text, the book was merely a text to educate and inform people and to take the taboo nature out of the very natural act of sexual intercourse.

Other sections in the book include how to find a woman and perform a successful courtship that would lead to marriage. It also contains a section on what wives were supposed to do following marriage and then, so no one would be confused, another section on other men's wives, perhaps explaining to men how to convince married women into extramarital relations.

Kama Sutra is an informative and entertaining book. The text is actually not very pornographic in nature due to the way the words translated. It certainly contains plenty of commentary and information on just about any sexual act, as well as courtship, seducing women and the ins and outs of marriage. A translation of the text can be found online at www.bibliomania.com.

Etiquette 101: First Dates

The world of dating can be like an amusement park, with highs and lows but pretty fun for the most part, or like the African jungle, full of wild animals ready for the kill and quicksand to pull you into the pits of the earth.

And often, just as we've grown accustomed to one partner and entered into a comfortable place, we sadly break up and have to start all over again. Days elapse for some, years for others. Like any thing in life that requires a little etiquette knowledge, dating is no different.

1. Maintain good eye contact. Looking around the room screams that you're not interested, or that you're a weirdo.

2. Avoid saying "I" as much as possible. Ask questions and listen. Wait for him or her to finish a sentence before you chime in. We all like to be listened to and like the person who listens to us.

3. While it is perfectly OK for the woman to initiate a date these days, traditional values still win out, so guys, go ahead and make the first move. Most girls expect it. But girls, if you are waiting to be asked out by a guy you know to be painfully shy, go ahead and ask him; it may be your only chance!

4. Let the man plan the first date. I know, it sounds like I'm promoting male sexism. But here is your chance, women, to find out what he's made of. Is he an intuitive partner with the ability to plan, make decisions and carry them out without having to ask you for help? This is a must-know if you think a relationship might develop. The whole "where do you want to go?" "I dunno ... where do you want to go?" mentality offers a clear-as-glass glimpse into your future of joint decision making with this man.

5. Who pays? Ouch, this doesn't seem fair, but it's the guy - at least on the first date. As the relationship moves forward, the girl really should start sharing in the costs. If you want to pitch in on the first date, girls, let him pay for dinner while you pay the tip. You can pay for things such as parking fees, toll fees, theatre munchies and cover charges. Then he can take care of dinner, theatre entrance and cocktails.

It really boils down to what you're comfortable with. If you girls offer consistently to pay throughout the night, however, and he never refuses, watch out. It may be a good indicator of his future spending habits! Guys, please don't ask a girl out and then make her pay. It makes for an awkward situation, and you can bet it will be your last date with her!

Now, some guys are really hurting for dough. We girls realize this. First impressions, like it or not, can make the difference, so do your best to take her to a classy joint. If it takes you a month to save up the money, so be it. Once the love connection is made, however, tell her that you want to spend as much time as possible with her, but on a lower budget. She will understand. And if she doesn't, why give her the time of day? Do you want to marry someone who is likely to overdraw your bank account on a regular basis?

Here's one way to save on a dinner date. Use a coupon, say, buy one get one free. First, call in advance to see if the establishment will honor the coupon, get the name of the person you talked to, tell them yours, and now would even be a good time to make a reservation. This way you don't have to mention the coupon in front of your date. Just hand it in with the check and your payment.

One way to even the paying field is to let the man pay for the first date, and then women, you can have them over for dinner and drinks at your home for the next date. You do the shopping for groceries, the cooking and the serving. Most guys love this environment, because 1) it costs them nothing, 2) it is romantic time spent with you at your home and 3) they get home-cooked food!

6. Men, gifts are not required. Sure, a bouquet of fresh flowers is a sweet gesture and will never get you in trouble but, because it's a first date, the anticipation of the date is usually enough to propel the evening forward.

Sadly, there are a few moochers out there who would argue that point, but they're the kind of high-maintenance girls who, in the name of love, will suck you dry until you're nothing but an empty shell of a man - devoid of life completely.

7. Do you have to have sex? Well, only if you want to. Girls, if you are the forever-grateful type who feels obligated to have sex with him if he spends a lot of money on you, then by all means, go Dutch and pay for your half. Guys, on the same note, don't ever pressure your date to sleep with you just because you put your hard-earned money into the evening. It is very unfair for her.

One of the surest ways, however, to get to a woman's heart - which is directly connected to her sex organs - is to kiss her softly, touch her face and shoulders gently, and smile often. She'll be stunned and captivated and will want to see more of you very soon. If you've just made it to her door and she doesn't invite you in, turn and leave - after you kiss and say goodbye of course.

The fact is, when we marry, it's usually someone we have dated. So why waste your time on someone who sends up red flags from the beginning.

There's no law that says we will fall in love with only Mr. Right. We have only to look at the divorce rate in this country to see that is not true. So increase your odds of falling in love with your soul mate by being very, very picky in whom you date. Set your standards high, and though it might take a little longer in the hunt, the acquisition will pay off for a lifetime.

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder

The desire for a lasting relationship and true commitment may take shape in various forms. Abstinence, the act of refraining from sexual activity, provides the answer to such desire.

As studied by the True Love Waits Campaign, a national organization that promotes abstinence among college students, sex outside of marriage can actually hinder a relationship, rather than enhance it.

"Those who live together before marriage have a 50 percent higher rate of divorce than even the national average," quotes the TLW Campaign. "Sleeping together first to ensure compatibility does not necessarily make a marriage stronger. Rather, couples not sexually involved before marriage and faithful during marriage are more satisfied with their current sex life and also with their marriage, compared to those who were involved sexually before their marriage."

This conflicts the theory for many, like those surveyed by the National Study of Adolescent Health, that sex is still reserved for the romantic partner.

Of the college students asked, 85 percent viewed their first sexual experience as romantic in nature. Though once the romance ended, the "first experience" became the past and the commitment to the relationship was forgotten.

"For virgins, everything will change on the honeymoon," Tam Stafford, writer for Campus Life Magazine, said. "They will delve into mysteries they have wondered about all their lives. They will unfold those mysteries with the person they love more than any other. For the sexually experienced, however, a honeymoon is merely a nice vacation."

In the media and society, any relationship on display shows sexually active couples as happy and carefree. The facts show, however, that sometimes people get dirty when they play in the dirt.

According to a 2005 study by the Center of Disease Control, birth rates of 20-24-year-olds are on the rise, while Florida is ranked third among the states in the number of births in teens.

Abstinence, the only 100 percent effective form of birth control, could take away the unwanted commitment, allowing the true dedication in a relationship to develop.

Sex before marriage takes away the design that man and woman fit into so nicely, the design of true love and loyalty. Though seen as the real sign of love, it abolishes the time that love can grow as the relationship gets deeper. Abstinence is the real commitment to the one you truly love.

Yes, sex is tough to wait for, without a doubt. But then again, most good things are.

Throught the Looking Glass

NOT THIS ONE, THAT ONE ... NO THAT ONE
Six members of one family took out their anger on another family at the parking lot of a soccer field in Sheboygan, Wis., by smashing what they thought was the family car, a Honda Civic, with golf clubs. Then they realized it was the wrong car. So they turned their golf clubs on another Honda Civic. Wrong again. After they bashed the daylights out of yet a third Honda Civic, the cops arrested them.

OH, I SEE, PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE
A government official in Ichikawa, Japan fondled the breast of a young woman he encountered on the street. After he was arrested, he said, "I did it because I was stressed out."

MA'AM WE'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS/GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS
A woman in Dayton, Ohio, woke up to find her car was missing. The Highway Patrol called and told her the following: The vehicle was stolen by her ex-boyfriend. But her ex-husband spotted him after he got out of it some miles away and took it from him. But then, when the ex-husband's son was driving it back to her home, he wrecked it on Interstate 70.

SEND NUDE PICTURES TO THE WEB - WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
Dozens of teenage girls in Tennessee, who allowed graphic pictures of themselves to be taken and posted on a Web site, were shocked when the photographs were circulated on the Internet for all to see. They thought the site they sent the pics to was "secure."

LADIES, PLEASE, THERE'S ENOUGH OF ME TO GO AROUND
A young laborer with a physique like the ones you see on beefcake calendars was hired to do construction work at an all-girls school in New Malden, England, to the utter delight of the young ladies who did nothing to hide the fact that they were in a tizzy over him. The headmaster stepped in and fired him for being "too distracting."

BUT THIS SPOILS EVERYTHING, OFFICER
An activist wanted to take a formal stand against the legality of cameras that photograph people running red lights in Houston, Texas, so he purposely went through a red light intending to challenge the evidence from the camera being used against him in court. Alas, a cop saw him run the light and arrested him. The camera evidence won't be necessary.

IT WAS JUST ONE MISTAKE AFTER ANOTHER
After being arrested for having child pornography on his home computer, a married church vicar in Abdingdon, England, said that he downloaded it by mistake. Police found 119 images on his hard drive.

SURE, WHY DON'T YOU DROP OVER AND PICK IT UP?
While snatching the purse of an elderly woman in Milan, a robber dropped his cell phone. When he later noticed it was missing, he called the number and made arrangements to pick it up with the man who answered his call. This, of course, was a police officer who was given the phone by the robbery victim.

Zan on the Street

What's up? Hope you guys are digging the second-ever sex issue this week. Plenty of stuff is going on around town - from comedians to hip-hop, and everything in between - so try to get out and enjoy the scene.

Funkateer George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic, his crazy circus-esque backup band take the stage at Freebird Live Sept. 27. Tickets for the show are $25, and doors open at 8 p.m. Clinton was one of the early pioneers of funk and his crazy stage shows and wild music are what made him famous. Though certainly a bit older, he and his band still put on quite a show. Clinton does not sing and dance as much as he used to, but he's now in his 60s, so give the guy a break. Clinton was the influence of many early hip-hop superstars, such as Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.

Also on Sept. 27, hip-hop stars the Roots and Jean Grae play at Plush. Tickets range from $10-$15 and doors open at 8 p.m. Roots drummer ?uestlove has been featured on the "Dave Chapelle Show" in a clip with John Mayer. The show should be quite good.

On Saturday night, funnyman Ron White comes to town. White gained fame as part of the Blue Collar Comedy tour alongside Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall. White performs at the Times Union Center. The show begins at 7:30 and tickets are $42.75.

Gin Blossoms play Thursday night at Freebird with guests Shawn Mullins and Josh Kelley. Tickets for the show are $20 before Wednesday or $25 on the day of the show. Again, doors open at 8 p.m. but understand that no bands go on at this time. Most start later around 10 p.m. so it's best to call Freebird to find out times.

Friday night at Freebird, the Chris McCarty band plays for a CD release party. Tickets are $8 before the show and $10 the day of the show.

Sunday night the '90s hip-hop group PM Dawn plays Jack Rabbits. Check www.jackrabbitsonline.com for tickets and times.

That's about it around town this week. Plenty of stuff for everyone of all tastes to do. So get out there and enjoy everything that Jacksonville has to offer in the way of entertainment.

Meanwhile, in another part of town...

The Homestead Restaurant offers southern fare with lots of choices. If you're in the mood for a burger, seafood, or fried chicken, they have you covered. And, once you have been seated the best cornbread you've ever tasted is delivered to your table.

For lunch, a great starter to enjoy is the fish and chips served with tarter sauce. For the dinner starter, Homestead offers maple bourbon smoked baby back ribs. Prices for lunch appetizers range from $5 to $8 and dinner appetizers range from $4 to $11.

For the lighter appetite, some appetizers such as the fish and chips may serve as a meal. However, they do offer a lighter selection. For lunch, the Homestead Cobb chicken salad includes homemade chicken salad served over mixed greens with bacon, eggs, tomato, avocado and Gouda cheese with honey and a lemon and bourbon vinaigrette. The Cobb chicken salad is offered at dinner as well. Prices may vary depending on dinner or lunch.

Homestead also has a few sandwiches offered at lunch that range in price from $6 to $9. A couple of the sandwich selections include the barbecue pulled pork sandwich served on Texas toast with tobacco onions and the spicy homie burger which is an 8-ounce flame broiled burger topped with a fried green tomato, shredded lettuce, datil pepper mayo and pepper jack cheese. Yum! If you're in a seafood mood, try the fresh fish sandwich, which comes grilled or blackened topped with lettuce, tomato and onion.

If fried chicken is what you crave, Homestead fried chicken is for you. It comes with your choice of two sides and two pieces of chicken. If you have a light appetite, this meal is great shared and cuts back on expenses. The lunch price is $7.95 and the dinner price is $12.95, but the dinner portion is larger than the lunch size.

Even with all the other dishes at Homestead, don't forget about the seafood. Homestead's lunch menu has the seafood skillet, which includes fried oysters, shrimp and fish served with fries and slaw for $11.95. For dinner, Homestead's fried shrimp comes with garlic whipped potatoes, cream peas and homemade slaw for $14.95.

On the inside, the restaurant has a bar and an elegant dining area with plenty of seating. You may also sit near the fireplace and feel more at home. Make sure you save room for dessert because Homestead offers peanut butter pie served with chocolate drizzle and whipped crme that hits the spot after stuffing yourself with all the other goodies that the restaurant makes fresh.

The friendly staff at Homestead can be reached at 904-249-9660. They are located at 1712 Beach Blvd.

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EXPRESSIONS

Scoring in College

Not everyone goes home alone

Kama Sutra: sex encyclopedia

Etiquette 101: First Dates

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder

Throught the Looking Glass

Zan on the Street

Meanwhile, in another part of town...

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