Bambi (Platinum Edition) — Goes well with your platinum rings, necklaces and rims. The perfect complement to your custom Escalade. From the makers of Fubu Platinum.

I Heart Huckabees — Little known fact: The Judas Priest song “Breakin the Law” is actually about Jude Law, but they just didn’t like the sound of titling their single “Breakin’ Jude Law.” Also Marky Mark is in this movie, which is pretty much a huge bonus for fans of ‘80s boy-pop. Which you probably all are.

Get Shorty (Special Edition) — John Travolta’s pudge nearly threatened to turn this movie into Get Shortening.

Yes Nurse! No Nurse! — This sounds like a really good argument to have. It’s full of substantive, nuanced discussion. Either way, looks like there’s a nurse involved, which is never a bad thing. Especially if she examines your privates, if you know what I mean.

Our Town — ...is dirty. Seriously. Jacksonville. Eww.

The Shield: Season Three — If you have a fetish for lineman-sized bald cops with bad attitudes, well, you probably already own this. That’s kind of a weird fetish to have, though. Couldn’t you be into feet or something?

South Park: The Complete Fifth Season — I don’t know what people see in this. Poop jokes, sexual innuendos, pop-culture references and absurdist satire just aren’t funny. I bet the Anime Club likes it.

Contact Peter Suderman at spinnakerfeatures@yahoo.com.