Minutes

UNF – CDRC Parent Organization

February 5, 2008

 

The meeting was called to order by Jessica Ottie at 6:10pm.

Parent Organization Meeting

Members began the meeting with a discussion about last month’s Magnet Presentation.  Teresa said that it went smoothly and was well received by some of the parents.  The event was well attended with about 15-18 parents present. The presenter did a great job of explaining the process and answering parents’ questions about the schools and the programs. He also had brochures and applications available for the parents.  Pam said she felt that it went very well and that they will definitely have the a county representative come back to the school next year to present information to the parents. 

 

Fundraising

 

Hope Food Fundraiser

Kathy said that Hope Ministries was very appreciative of the donations we collected.  They said that our donations were absolutely perfect and fit the needs of the families they help support.  Kathy and Pam indicated that we had lots of donations from CDRC families.  Student Affairs also joined us in the fundraiser for Hope Ministries and brought in a lot of donations. 

 

T-Shirt Sale

Jessica reported that the t-shirt sale has not gone very well.  We have only sold 7 shirts and we need to figure out a way to sell more shirts.  Teresa suggested that perhaps we could do a “school spirit day” where the kids could wear their t-shirts.  Teresa said she likes the idea of a “school spirit day”, but is hesitant about it b/c some families may not be able to afford the t-shirts and we don’t want any kids to feel left-out.  Stephanie suggested we could tie in t-shirt sales with the Ollie Koala Day Fundraiser.  We could suggest to parents they could buy a shirt and wear it to the Ollie Koala Event.  It was suggested that when we send out emails and flyers to remind parents of the Ollie Koala Night we could put a little note at the bottom suggesting parents buy a t-shirt. 

 

Ollie Koala Night

Jessica spoke to Ollie Koala’s about when we get the check from our fundraising event at Ollie Koala’s.  No one really seems to know definitively when the check would be in the mail.  She is going to continue talking to Ollie Koala’s and figure out when the check would arrive.  Jessica indicated that there is a free $2 coupon for our group; parents just need to bring the coupon to Ollie Koala’s .  We will be distributing the $2 coupon by email and swing files.  Stephanie said she would print out some name tags with a CDRC/Ollie Koala fundraiser so parents and kids could wear to the event.   Also, this event is open to everyone and we encourage families to invite family, friends and neighbors to the fundraiser.

 

Next meeting for the Parent’s Organization will be Wednesday, March 12th from 6:00 – 7:30 PM.

 

Our March family activity will be a trip to the Cummer Museum  on March 25th.  We will meet at the Cummer Museum at 6:00 PM.  Admission to the Cummer is free for everyone on Tuesday nights. 

 

Teacher Appreciation

With teacher appreciation coming in April and we are uncertain about when the check for our Ollie Koala Fundraising event will arrive, we will be sending out a letter requesting donations from parents like we did last year.  Teacher Appreciation will be on April 14th – the same day as the spring play.

 

Also, Teresa suggested that we start thinking about how we want to show our appreciation to the teachers.  Last year, the Parent’s Organization gave each lead teacher a t-shirt with the children’s handprints on it as well as a gift card, teaching assistants received mugs with goodies.   At our next meeting, we will be discussing ideas for what we want to do for the teachers.  All suggestions and ideas are welcome!

 

 

 

Conscious Discipline

 

 

Tonights discussion will cover:

·          Principle 6 – Adults must speak clearly and assertively.

 

 

Our goal is to teach children that their words are more powerful than hands that hit, feet that kick, or mouths that bite. 

 

There are three types of interaction:

 

-          Passive – fails to communicate their own rights

-          Aggressive – stands up for their own rights but violates the rights of others

-          Assertive – stands up for their own rights and respects the rights of others

 

 

Type of interaction

Feels like

Sounds like

Looks like

Passive

Cushy, weak, child has power

Soft, unclear, more words to convey

Meek, insecure, soft

 

Aggressive

Oppressive, offensive,

Frustrated

Loud, scary, shout, rude, mean

Red face, out-of-control

Assertive

Strong, calm, respectful, clear

Serious, clearer, genuine, quiet

In control, natural,

 

 

Parents must learn to be assertive with children. 

·          To be assertive, you must state your wants, needs and expectations clearly and simply.  (“Give me the scissors. These are too sharp.  They could cut you. I will get you a plastic pair.”)

·          Match body language and your verbal communications to convey the message clearly.

·          Be clear and direct – give children choices only when they really have choices.  “Are you ready for bed?” implies there is a choice.  Instead, you should say, “It is bed time.”  Do not give your child any choices when there are none. 

·          Give children useable information – give commands that contain usable helpful information and don’t ask rhetorical questions. 

·          Own and express your feelings directly --  If you say “I feel angry when you interrupt me,” you are being assertivbe.  Saying “Look what you made me do” or “Can’t you be quiet while I am talking” is an indirect (passive/aggressive) way to express feelings.

·          Speak in concrete terms

·          Be conscious of your intent behind the communication – the intent behind assertive communication is clarity to help the child be as successful as possible in your classroom.   Show respect for your child and enforce rules without teasing, embarrassing or bullying.  The intent behind the words is more powerful than the actual choice of wording.

 

 

Ineffective speech is

·          People-pleasing

·          Demanding

·          Negative

·          Including

 

Exercise for the group:

 

What should you say?

Would you come to dinner?

It is time for dinner.  Wash your hands and come to the table

Where should your feet be?

Put your feet on the ground.

Don’t run.

Use your walking feet.

It’s hard putting our toys away.

It’s hard to clean up the toys.

 

 

 

 

Shifting children from defiance to compliance

Motivating children to cooperate can be a challenge. Depending on the child’s temperament, some will be easy going and eager to please.  Others will argue for the sake of arguing, dig in their heels and resist purely on principle.  There are effective ways to shift from defiance to compliance for all types of children.

 

CPA  of shifting from defiance to compliance

C – Communicate clearly

P – Provide choices to facilitate the process

A – Acknowledge resistance with empathy

 

Example:

 

If bedtime is a struggle, try the following:

C – It is time to get your PJs on and get ready for bed.  (Communicate clearly what you expect the child to do.)

P – Do you want your railroad PJs or your bear PJs?  Or Do you want to pur your PJs on before or after you brush your teeth?  (Provide choices to facilitate the process.)

A – You were having a good time watching that movie.  It is hard turning off the TV.  (Acknowledge resistance with empathy.)

 

If you have a younger child and they continue to refuse , be persistent in your method, but you can help them by helping them out a little and getting them started.  For example, “It’s time to clean up.  Put the books on the shelf.”  If the child refuses to clean up, go over and put a book on the shelf and then hand the child a book and direct them to the bookcase.

 

If your child says things to push your buttons, continue to reiterate the task you want done.  For example, if they say “I hate you. I don’t care if I fail.”  Continue to say, “Time to do your homework.  Do you want to do your homework in the kitchen or in your room?”  Keep telling them the task regardless of the things they are saying to push your button. 

 

If you have chronic problems with power struggles with older children, Becky Bailey has a book called “Preventing Power Struggles” which can help parents address the situation(s).

 

For older children, if they continue to refuse to (for example), do their homework, disengage from the power struggle.   Instead, say “ I can not make you do your homework, but I hope you choose to be successful.”  Walk away.  With older children, it is important not to get into the power struggle.

 

Confusing Commands and Requests

 

Command =  no choice, follow with praise

Request = choice, follow with, “Thank you”

 

When you expect a behavior from a child, consider whether the child has a choice. 

 

If you intend the child to have a choice, it is a request. 

·          Will you get the baby a diaper?

·          Would you like more spaghetti?

·          Would you answer the telephone?

 

 

If the child has no choice, then it is a command.

·          Hold my hand in the parking lot.

·          Put on your seat belt.

·          Daily routines like bathing, teeth brushing…

 

 

Don’t confuse request and commands.   Don’t say thank you after you have given a command.  Instead, acknowledge the action.  For example, if they finally helped clean up the books, you say, “You did it!”  Or “Good for you.  You knew to hold my hand in the street.”

 

We often confuse commands with requests and say “thank you” to a child who has responded to a command such as “line up with your hands by your side.”  When we follow a command with , “thank you”, we imply that the child is doing the task for us and deny him/her the feeling of success.   By

thanking the child we are saying “Do these activities for me.”  Using this type of people pleasing language teaches children to please others instead of thinking for themselves.  If we systematically teach young children to please us, we are no longer the ones they choose to please when they grow older.  The will please their peers. 

 

When a child responds to a command, respond with a specific praise for the accomplishment.

·          “What a fast picker-upper you are!”

·          “Look at those feet flying up the stairs!”

·          “You did it! You knew exactly where to put those brushes.”

 

When a child responds to a request, remember to say “Thank you.”  Don’t be stingy with the “Thank yous.”

·          Thank you for taking the lunch count to the office.

·          Thank you for going upstairs to get my sweater.

·          Thank you for getting me a diaper.

 

 

 

Review:

 

Principle 5: See the world from the child’s point of view

 

1.       Hearing true message being sent & showing empathy & understanding w/ appropriate direction.

2.       Recognizing that we all function in one of two states

a.       Calling for love

b.       Extending love

3.       Discerning whether a child is looking for information or understanding.

 

Principle 6: Adults  must communicate clearly and assertively to children by:

1.       Being aware of their own styles of passive, aggressive, or assertive communication.

2.       Being aware of people – pleasing, demanding, negative or inclusive programming.

3.       Remember to

a.       C  - Communicate clearly

b.       P -  Provide choices

c.       A – Acknowledge resistance with empathy

4.       Command – praise

5.       Request – thank you

 

 

Hand out  - Commitment Time ---- ask parents to commit to focusing on one of the things they learned in the session.